When the captain of a ship, caught in the midst of a terrible storm, calls out, “all hands on deck! Batten down the hatches!” He’s saying focus on what’s most important, do the things that will prevent the ship from floundering. What he is not saying is to straighten the deck chairs and bring us all another beverage.
Personally I’m not much of a sailor. I wasn’t raised in a boating family. Growing up the phrases “all hands on deck” and “batten down the hatches” didn’t really carry any practical significance for me. I remember on one occasion my father took my brother Dan and me fishing in the ocean. We piled into his car long before the sun would be up and drove for more than an hour to the port at San Pedro, CA. It was still dark when we arrived. I couldn’t see much, and the unfamiliar smells of the port assaulted my nose. I’d been to the ocean many times before and this was not at all like the pristine beaches and breezes of Malibu.
After boarding the ship I was still sleepy. Fortunately there were some small bunks below deck so I laid down and soon fell asleep. Several hours later I awoke and climbed up the narrow stairs leading on to the deck. The ocean was a little rough and we were in the midst of a dense fog bank. Thankfully the misty salty air was cool and fresh. A much appreciated reprieve from the smells of the port and the stale air below deck.
The bow of the ship rose and sank as it crested the large swells. I made my way around the ship holding tightly to the railing to keep from being knocked down. I passed several fishermen lined up along the railing readying their poles. Nearing the back of the boat I noticed there were no fishermen standing around. The smell of partially burnt diesel fuel combined with a pungent fishy smell almost took my breath away. I had never been out to sea before and this was all new to me. I took a deep breath and crossed past the engine room to the other side of the ship.
I was concerned but not afraid, I knew my dad was on the ship and the ship wasn’t that big. I was confident it would just be a matter of time before I found him.
It seems like throughout my life, no matter what the difficulty, I could rely on my dad being there when I needed him. Even though he was busy with work and church callings he made time to pick me up from football practices, coach my baseball and softball teams. He was my scout master and took us on great adventures hiking and backpacking throughout the Sierras.
When I left for two years to serve a mission in Brazil he wrote me every week. When I returned and went away to college he was always interested in knowing how my schooling was coming along. We talked often about challenges and he counseled me on budgeting, finances and making good use of my time.
Throughout my postgraduate residency training at the LA County Medical Center we often visited my parent’s home on Sundays. My dad always took time to learn how our family was doing. He encouraged me to share the experiences I was having at the hospital. Even though I was an adult and married with two children I felt like he was still there on the sidelines, or in the dugout coaching and encouraging me to do my best.
“One father is worth more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
My father with his grandchildren at Sea World, San Diego circa 1993
Today’s oceans are more perilous and tempest tossed than ever before. Fathers, mothers and their families are faced with many challenges, some of which are unique to these latter days. The world we live in is fraught with tempests and storms—fads and trends that threaten to sweep our children overboard and sink our families. If the proper care is not taken many ships with their innocent passengers will capsize, flounder or be cast upon the rocky shores resulting from societies social experiments and their disregard for divine warnings.
Look around you. It’s already happening. Everyday we read, hear and witness more and more youth adrift, floating on the wreckage of dysfunctional or non existent families. Their language is plagued with profanity, their bodies graffitied and pierced and their dress disheveled.
Elder Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles speaking of the youth of this rising generation observed:
“Many of them are remarkable in their spiritual maturity and in their faith. But even the best of them are sorely tested. And the testing will become more severe” (“We Must Raise Our Sights,” Ensign, Sept. 2004, 14).
The warning, “the testing will become more severe,” sounds like a severe weather alert to me. A heads up to captains—fathers everywhere to issue the call, “all hands on deck, batten down the hatches!”
“All hands on deck!” It’s time for fathers, not just mothers, to ‘batten down the hatches.”
There are many things we can do to batten down the hatches. Spending both quality and quantity time with your children is one that should be near the top of every father’s list.
The race for your children’s hearts is won, as you wisely spend time doing things that will help them make the tough decisions while keeping the eternities in perspective. Bishop H. David Burton said:
“Perhaps you have heard some say, ‘I am so busy with living and providing that I have little time to devote to my family, but I make an effort to see that my limited time is quality time.’ Brethren, this type of rationalization is severely flawed. Effective family leadership requires both quantity and quality time” (“I Will Go,” Ensign, November 1995, p. 45).
Personal involvement with your children should be early and often. Children are more teachable and interested in what you have to say when they are young. I believe that a child’s mind is somewhat like a bowl of Jell-O—you have to put the good stuff in before it sets.
Through the years you will likely teach your children the same lessons over and over again. Each time you will customize your instruction to fit both the child and his/her changing circumstances. Do not assume that just because they have heard the lesson or counsel once or even several times that it will all be absorbed and be automatically put to practical use. Repetition is the master of excellence.
Effective family leadership is like driving a car. You would never dream of one minute paying close attention to the road and driving conditions, both hands firmly on the wheel, and then the next minute letting go of the wheel to pursue some other activity—no matter how worthwhile that activity might be. To assume that any amount of time spent vigilantly attentive to good driving will somehow keep your car on the road when you later drive carelessly is clearly disastrous.
Certainly time spent while your children are young is helpful and can make future decisions less difficult. However, the road of life is strange with its twists and turns, as each of you will sometime learn. You never know what lies ahead, so it is absolutely critical that you keep your hands on the wheel of awareness until you arrive home and all are safely tucked in bed.
The distractions of which I speak do not have to be things that are innately bad. More of a good thing is not always better. Good things taken to extremes can be bad. Over scheduling children, so that church and family time are neglected or are too hectic to enjoy is a winding and tortuous path often leading to heartache. Balance is the key. True greatness results from successfully prioritizing that which is most important and then finding balance in the things at the top of your list.
I keep a small note on my desk at work that says:
“If you don’t have time for the important things in life, then you are not successful. You are just busy.”
The family is the vessel specially designed and fully equipped to carry it's precious cargo, children and parents alike through mortality's vast oceans of necessary experiences en route to the safe port of your heavenly home. Fathers and mothers have the duty to see that everybody is loaded securely onto the boat and then they must remain at the helm keeping their hands firmly, consistently, and constantly on the wheel.
I am grateful for my father. He taught me about commitment, responsibility and priorities. He taught by example the importance of hard work and putting family first. He taught me about many things, but what I remember most was how generous he was with his personal attention and time. The lessons he taught by his example will be forever written in my heart.
Happy Father’s Day Dad. Give grandpa a hug for me too.