I sometimes reflect on what life was like before children blessed our lives. We lived in a small apartment on Riverside Drive in Studio City. Billie worked full time and I was studying full time. Often standing in the kitchen late at night, preparing dinner, was the first quality time we spent together that day.
The kitchen was not much bigger than a bathroom with a stove top and refrigerator. In those days I was immature and impatient. Leisurely eating was an inconvenience, a means to an end, a brief interlude before resuming my studies. Our meals were simple, after all we were on a tight budget, but thanks to Billie they were nutritious and always seemed to hit the spot. While she cooked I nibbled and we talked. We visited about her day and my day and what we needed to get done the next day. We looked forward to our weekends since they afforded us a chance to rest up for the coming week’s race.
Through the years our family grew, our kitchen got bigger (thankfully), and dinner became a bigger production. Because of the hustle and bustle of our schedules we often ate on the run or picked up a quick meal at the local fast food drive thru.
Many dinners have since passed, countless carbs and calories. It has been several years since the marriages of our youngest two children, Dean Jr. and Mikaela. Our home is quieter now, too quiet at times. We are both still busy, although not like when there were kids at home. And once again it’s just Billie and me standing in the kitchen together preparing dinner.
I have learned a lot over the years. I still nibble while she’s preparing the food. Some things never change. Billie has become quite a gourmet cook, thanks in part to our good friend, her cooking coach Linda Spiker. I am no longer the nibbler-at-large. I’ve been promoted to the chief taste-tester. Dinner time is a pleasure, I enjoy it and try not to rush through it to get to something else. A definite change for better. Billie occasionally lets me use a sharp knife to chop, slice and dice. And I still have all of my fingers.
One simple lesson I've learned is this; Life with all of it’s abundance and variety, like a gourmet meal, can be bland and flavorless without a few key ingredients. To savor the rich fullness of life we must be willing to add equal measures of timing and patience.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven”
An abbreviated summary of the verses that follows includes: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to harvest; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
When I ponder these verses three things stand out in my mind; There is a divinely appointed sequence or order to the events in our lives (the what), there is a divinely determined timing (the when), and through it all we are to develop patience and trust in the Lord (the why).
Through the years, as we did our best to patiently navigate the sometimes tempest tossed teenage years with our children, Billie and I were continually prompted to counsel them to remember that if they wanted good things to happen in their lives, the richest of gospel blessings to be theirs, then they needed to trust in the Lord’s timing and be patient. And no, that doesn't mean sitting around idly waiting for God to do all the work. What it does mean is that we need to be at the Right Places, at the Right times, doing the Right Things. Pretty basic and simple in concept, right? A worthy goal, but not always so easy to put into practice.
Patience is not passive. And trusting in the Lord's timing doesn't mean silent resignation in the face of seemingly overwhelming challenges. Even though the timing is the Lord's we are expected to continue to be at the right places and doing the right things while we wait. In essence these two principles, Trusting in the Lord's timing and Being Patient are integral in refining the exercising of our Free agency. As we work to incorporate them into our lives we will find safety, peace and heavenly assurances to encourage our continued efforts. That is not to say that everything (the what) will always go the way we had hoped, or that our desired sequence of life’s crowning events will be perfect (the when), but it does mean our faith will increase, we will learn to trust in the Lord in all things and wait patiently on the His timing (the why we are here). And then come the miracles in our lives.
Great principles on paper, but what about real life application? What about the How?
That’s where the gospel of Jesus Christ comes in. Doing our best to live the teachings and principles of the Gospel sets up a continually recurring series of right times, right places and right things.
Continually recurring? Yep, it’s a cycle. And multiple cycles can be going at the same time, or overlapping or connected with one cycle naturally leading to and being linked with the next. This is where things can get complicated. We find ourselves juggling too many good things at once and before we know it the better and best things can get dropped, broken, forgotten, neglected or ignored.
One solution might be to join the circus and learn to become a better juggler. Or a lion tamer, or a daring aerial acrobat. Pretty silly suggestions, and yet for some that seems to be their choice. What can we do to slow this down? How can we purposefully choose which things in our lives are not worth trying to juggle? How can we prioritize and be patient?
Thankfully there is a time, and a place and things divinely appointed to allow us to do just that. To slow us down, to recharge our batteries, to enhance our perspective so we can prioritize our sometimes hectic lives. The time is the Sabbath day, the place is church and the thing is availing ourselves of the enabling power of the atonement, and this through partaking of the sacrament.
The time is the Sabbath, the place is the home and the things are gospel study, personal worship, spending quality time with our spouse and children.
The time is the Sabbath, the place is visiting the elderly and the sick, the thing is charitable “Christ-like” service.
The time is the Sabbath, the place— a walk with your spouse and children along a quiet mountain path or along a stream, the thing—to discuss personal goals and schedule the next week so that you can plan to be at the right places, at the right times and doing the right things.
“That’s the real beauty of the gospel, it sets up a series of right times, right places and right things.”
“The intent of the gospel is to put wings on our back, rather than bricks in our pack.”
But then life happens and the hustle and bustle of your jam packed daily routine is disrupted. One minute you are comfortably juggling some oranges and the next thing you know it’s a couple of bowling pins and a cantaloupe. A little tougher, but with some adjustments and practice you make it work. That is until our imperfect world, filled with imperfect people tosses in several sharp knives and a chain saw. Can you imagine that? Pretty ridiculous imagery and probably next to impossible to juggle.
Seriously, what happens when the best laid plans and the timing of our noblest aspirations get hijacked. When good things don’t come to pass. And bad things muddy our lives. And no explanation seems good enough. What then? What happens when you don’t know all the answers? When you don’t like the Lord’s timing or can’t understand all the whys?
Fortunately, all of these and other similarly difficult questions can be distilled into this one all encompassing question.
“Knowest thou the condescension of God? ”
That was the question the angel asked of Nephi as he was about to be shown many wonderful things and some very difficult things, such as the destruction of his descendants.
His response reveals a core principle that I believe enabled him to continue through his trials and tribulations trusting in the Lord at all times and in all things. He replied,
“I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.”
Remembering that our Heavenly Father loves all of His children is critical. It is one of the gospel’s foundational principles to keep in mind when confronted with life’s perplexing questions and challenges. He loves you and He loves me and He sent each of us here to be successful. Successful? Not as the world defines it, not by obtaining great wealth, or status or acclaim. The Lord’s definition of success includes, having faith in Jesus Christ, repenting, making and keeping covenants, trusting in Him and in His timing.
The Lord taught the early elders of this dispensation,
“My words are sure and shall not fail.” That includes His promises made to the church, to the world, to all of His children. And on a personal level it means His promises made to you specifically in your patriarchal blessing and at other times in your life will not fail either. In this scripture the Lord’s assurance is followed with this, ‘But all things must come to pass in their time.”
Elder Neal A. Maxwell has said:
The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best? The same is true with the second coming and with all those matters wherein our faith needs to include faith in the Lord’s timing for us personally, not just in His overall plans and purposes. [Even As I Am (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1982), 93]
Several years ago I had the privilege of meeting a young lady who exemplified trusting in the Lord and His timing. She had experienced many difficult, unfair challenges and yet through them all had chosen to remain faithful and upbeat.
She was nearly 20 years old when she came into my office in a wheelchair, accompanied by her parents. She had been a quadriplegic for over three years. She was there to have a consultation regarding oral surgery. After reviewing her health history, we spoke for several minutes before one of my nurses wheeled her out of the room to get an x-ray.
I commented to her parents how impressed I was with her sweet demeanor and positive attitude, and I inquired as to how she had become paralyzed. They shared with me that their daughter had been involved in a serious car accident on her way home from a Church stake dance. The other driver was a teenage boy who had been drinking. His car drifted across the center of the highway and hit hers head on. As is often the case, he walked away without any injuries, while she suffered a broken neck, thus losing the use of her arms and legs.
Her parents assured me she did indeed have tough times and challenges resulting from this change in her life. Among the most trying were when her girlfriends went off to college, and she had to stay behind because of her fragile health. Another was when one of her close friends was married and started her family.
About this time she returned to the consultation room. She agreed that the situations her parents had described were very trying. Then she said: "When I feel sad or discouraged I read my patriarchal blessing. It promises I will marry for all eternity and raise a family. I know Heavenly Father cannot lie and that these blessings will be mine, if not in this life, then in the Millennium."
Elder Boyd K. Packer taught: “For some all is not complete in mortal life, for marriage and family of their own have passed them by. But the great plan of happiness and the laws which govern it continue after death. Watched over by a kind and loving Heavenly Father, they will not, in the eternal pattern of things, be denied blessings necessary for their exaltation, including marriage and family. And it will be sweeter still because of the waiting and the longing” (“The Standard of Truth Has Been Erected,” Ensign, November 2003, p. 24).
The combination of this young sister’s faith in a loving Father in Heaven, her courage and her determination qualified her for the blessing of an abiding testimony that her patriarchal blessing reached beyond the imperfect events and circumstances of this life. She knew Heavenly Father’s choicest blessings were not limited to the bounds of her earthly sojourn and she was willing to be patient.
Her cheerful, upbeat, smiling example reminded me,
“Patience means waiting, but waiting alone is not what’s most important. It’s what we do while we are waiting that strengthens our faith and defines our character. Patience means living well in the moment while looking toward eternity.”