I must admit that I am partial to candy coatings. The nearby town of Oxnard is famous for their large delicious strawberries. In my estimation they are the best fruit nature has to offer. And the only thing better is to dip one of these sweet strawberries in dark chocolate.
I have found that almost anything can be improved upon by dipping it in chocolate, except perhaps bacon. I’ve tried this and it wasn’t something that I would do again. To those who rave about chocolate dipped bacon, all I can say is it must be an acquired taste.
Even medicine is often more palatable with a candy coating or flavored additive. In the 1964 Disney classic Mary Poppins, the main character played by Julie Andrews, sings, “Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.” The melody to this tune plays during several different scenes and leads us to believe that just like sugar can help make taking medicine more enjoyable, so too can a sweet attitude improve even the most challenging of tasks.
In general I’m inclined to agree, however there are instances where sugar coating things is not a good idea. For example when teaching a small child the consequences of touching a hot appliance. Sugar coating your warning with, “be careful the stove is a little warm and you might find it uncomfortable,” will not be as effective as saying, “don’t touch the stove, it is very hot and will burn you.”
Perhaps another example would be helpful. You’re watching your daughter ride her first bike. Even with training wheels she's a little wobbly, but that's to be expected she's still learning to ride. You stay close by with your arms outstretched and poised to prop her up. With you there by her side she feels safe and has the confidence to keep at it.
She asks if you can take her training wheels off. She wants to be like the 'big kids'. "Sure," you say. In a few seconds, with a couple of turns of your wrench, presto. No more training wheels. After several minutes she pretty much has the hang of it. You lean in close and give her permission to ride a short distance down the side walk. You won't be by her side, but you will be watching. In fact you say, "I won't take my eyes off of you." You instruct her to stay on the sidewalk and to turn around at the neighbors driveway. In a loving voice you remind her, "Stay out of the street." With a gentle push she is on her way.
You are so proud. What a quick learner she is and even though she is zig zagging she manages to stay on the sidewalk. What an awesome instructor you are. But when she gets to the driveway she turns the wrong way, towards the street. In an instant your heart goes from soaring to sinking. Your home is on a busy city street and the cars are going by fast.
You are too far away to physically intervene in time. You can only watch, pray and shout one last warning, "STOP!" The tone of your command startles her. Stopping is not natural for her, in fact that small detail of bike riding is suddenly gone from her memory. In a panic she jumps off the bike, crashes and skins her knee. You rush to her side and hug her. You tell her how much you love her. Today she was lucky, you are relieved and grateful.
What advice or instructions would you give next? Think about it. Do you candy coat the potential danger and its consequences saying, "don’t ride into the street honey, you might scare the drivers. You could almost get hit by a car and have your feelings hurt.”
Or given the potential for loss of life and limb would you be more inclined to say, “never ride into the street! If you do, you could get run over by a car. It might kill you. And if it doesn’t, I will take away your riding privileges for a long time.”
I’m in the later camp. I would rather be perfectly clear in describing what could happen, than regret not having been more direct. Being truthful about both the natural and manmade consequences of choices and allowing our children to experience the pain and disappointment resulting from bad choices will not always deter them from making wrong decisions, but it will enable them to learn from their choices so they will hopefully make better ones in the future. Its called being accountable, taking responsibility for ones own actions.
Several years ago I consulted with a patient and his parents about a needed surgery. In reviewing his health history I noted that he used marijuana on a daily basis. He was only 15 years old. When questioned about this his parents answered that it was to improve his concentration in school. (Note: Just about any ailment these days, imagined or real, seems to qualify for treatment with 'medical' marijuana.) Really? I thought to myself in amazement. Smoking marijuana daily didn't seem to help the kids I went to high school with. This generation's weed must be 'New and Improved', or perhaps their brains work differently than the brains of those who went to high school in the 60's and 70's. Isn't evolution wonderful.
Later that afternoon, while reviewing my notes in his chart, I reflected on this young man and his parents. Prescribed or illicit, marijuana is still a gateway drug. I wondered who had swallowed the 'candy coated' justifications and reasoning, with their potentially life destroying consequences. And when the artificial sweetness from the thin layer of candy coating has disappeared, what then? Will they spend the rest of their lives savoring the lingering, recurring bitterness of the pill they've swallowed?
Thankfully, consequences needn't always be negative. There are good consequences, often referred to as blessings, which are the result of making proper use of our free agency. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read, "And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated" (D&C 130:21).
Repentance, the ability to change the direction of our life and thereby change the spiritual consequences which naturally accompany poor choices, is a consequence / blessing that we all enjoy because of choices made by Jesus Christ.
“As a consequence of His atoning sacrifice we can learn from our mistakes and not be condemned by them.”